4×03 “Take Me To the King” Part 1
Written by: Chris Coleman, Kristi Clark and Kelly Zollo
Warning: Episode may contain graphic violence, language and sexual content
Theme Song: Leon Bridges-River, Tamela Mann- Take Me To The King, Teedra Moses-Last Day, Marvin Sapp-Never Would Have Made 

Fourteen days, eleven hours, twenty three minutes that was how long it had been since he had seen Zach, currently he was lying in the guest bedroom of the now empty condo that he and Zach had shared. Another sleepless night, he didn’t know which way was up or down and he wondered if he would ever care to ever again. The condolences had been overwhelming at the hospital, to the point where Selina had taken him back to her place for the night in the days and two weeks since it was a constant whirlwind of visitors stopping by. Either Selina or Jamal were constantly checking on him and he had kept his mother at bay, there was an ache where Zach was. Zach’s family had stopped by and he had been very cordial with Helen and Brandon, they had never been close but they were Zach’s parents and he appreciated they wanted to help him and help with the funeral to plan it together. His pastor had stopped by offering counseling as did the priest from St. Paul’s although he was not ready to speak to either one. He laid there for a few moments remembering how Jon and Devin had come by at the request of Zach’s parents for his dress blues and how he had watched as they both almost cried gently folding it to take to the funeral home.

He sat up in bed looking at the time rubbing his face over his hands as he opened the door to the condo, it was so empty and quiet the mail had piled up over the last two weeks. The dishes too, and he looked at them normally he and Zach would switch off and he opened the door to their bedroom and memories overwhelmed him the last time they laid there making love or just talking. He took a step inside running a hand through his hair realizing he probably needed to wash it and saw the bathroom door open. Zach’s toothbrush on the charger and decided he wasn’t ready as he felt the tears coming down and he heard the knock on the front door He closed the bedroom door he knew he looked like a mess but he also knew what today was and he honestly didn’t want to face it, walking to the front door he looked to make sure it was his sister before he opened it. “I don’t want to do this.” Mason said his voice low, opening the door for her to come in, seeing she had brought a suit he asked her to pick up. He couldn’t even go into his own bedroom to get to his closet without collapsing into a pile of tears. “I don’t know if I can do this, you know? This wasn’t how everything was supposed to go down or happen for us.”

Selina felt the honest disconnect of the day. A few months ago they were celebrating them getting married and now they were burying Zach. Life was cruel and unfair but seeing her brother just looking so defeated and his spirit was honestly crushed. She didn’t want him to have to do this. He shouldn’t be alone after all they had gone through. After all the trials and tribulations, who could they blame for this loss? She placed the suit down and slowly walked to her brother and hugged him tightly. Embracing him so he could feel the love. After all they had been through she wasn’t sure Mason could take anything else. Gloria had been trying hard to be a part of this and although she appreciated her tenacity right now her input wasn’t needed. Selina thanked God Jamal’s barber came over and cut his hair yesterday. He looked so handsome like her father but the hurt in his eyes she wasn’t sure would ever leave. She wasn’t sure her brother would ever be the same. As she walked him to the couch she flopped down and looked in his eyes. “You know I expected a slew of nieces and nephews and a long life of me and Zach gossiping about Atlas Falls. I don’t think anyone thought this is how you and Zach’s life was supposed to go. You two were supposed to be the fussing gay couple who have fabulous parties now we just have.” Selina paused knowing she couldn’t get emotional. Gripping her broach it was once her father’s watch that she turned into this pendant. It gave her strength. “Now we just have the memories.” 

Touching his face she looked into her brother’s eyes. “You are hurting so badly right now. He’s gone but you have so much love inside of you for that man. I don’t know where you put it. I don’t know where you store that. But I do know Mason, that you are wrapped in love. In so much love and I don’t want you to ever and I mean ever to think you aren’t protected through this. If you need air, or can’t be in that room. I’m here. Just like dad would be or.” She paused looking at him. “She’s been calling me all morning. She’s demanding to see you before the services begin. Look I know it’s a lot having Gloria back but our mother is determined to help today. She’s going to be there today and I think you should deal with her first maybe? Can we set some boundaries together? Jamal and Ophelia will be here shortly. Let me um straighten up in here.” Selina began to immediately clean up her brother’s space. “Mason you gotta go get ready baby.”

Futile that was how he felt at the moment when his sister showed up like life was a fleeting moment that could just disappear in the blink of an eye. He didn’t know how to react when Selina hugged him but he embraced her back and couldn’t help himself as the emotion overcame him and he cried into her shoulder. He and Zach had hopes and dreams, those were gone and shattered now and it made him want to crawl into a hole and join his husband there. He watched as his sister bottled in her emotions likely for him and honestly he got it but he also wanted her to understand that it was okay to feel that way as well, the anger at it all the resentment. He wiped the tears from his face as he pulled back from her. He was surprised he had more tears, one thing he had learned over the last week was that he had so many tears that didn’t seem to ever want to stop.. The couch offered little comfort when he sat on it, honestly he wasn’t even sure he wanted to keep the condo anymore. It was all so painful and the memories had been too much. To the point he was thinking of selling it and moving back into the house with Ophelia.

“I need space, I think, I know it’s only been a week, almost two but I don’t know honestly how much longer I can stay here. He’s everywhere, Selina and it feels heavy and too much, but I told myself I wouldn’t make a decision till after the funeral.” Mason said biting his lower lip while he looked over at her he honestly didn’t want the judgement. He knew his father had gone through that after his mother had died and he waited at least a year to really love on, it wasn’t like he was moving on. He simply needed to not be in the condo for a bit, he couldn’t sleep and it was so overwhelming that he thought he was going to slip back into the thoughts he had before he and Zach had met that fateful night. A shudder went through him for a moment before he looked over at Selina when she mentioned that Gloria was there. “I honestly don’t know if I’m ready to deal with her today, Selina. I don’t need her causing a scene while I bury the man I love. I don’t need her and Jackie getting into it again, hell she worked with Pierre.” Mason said bitterness seeped out but as angry as he was at his mother he also had a hard time fully hating her.

Selina could see the fire and pain all boiling in her brother. She saw the heartbreak most of all it was pouring out of his essence. His every move was broken. “I do believe that our mother is a lot to deal with. I’m not saying she isn’t but maybe today of all days she can give you a sense of comfort. She after all is our mother and I don’t like what she’s doing at all Mason but I do know I have to separate the two. The woman she wants to be with us isn’t the woman going after DGI.” She knew one thing she felt like she helped unleash Gloria on everyone and she knew she’d have to protect them from her. “If you don’t want her around then you don’t have to have her around. I just think she can’t do harm on a day like today.” She said soothingly licking her own wounds for digging so deep into the past she uncovered her own mother. 

“And she certainly has a way with words doesn’t she?” Selina laughed looking at him. “Oh she is horrible but she said something recently that startled me. That we don’t know all of us because we don’t know much about moms side. She has all this history to us and we deserve to know it before we slice her out of our lives.” At least that was Selina’s theory. “I just can’t do it alone. I can’t hold you up alone. You need some help because the grief that I feel from you is so devastating baby brother. You are so deserving of more than what life has dealt you and this is so heartbreaking for me. It’s so devastating and unfair.” She wasn’t sure what else to say about the situation because Zach’s death had rocked this entire community. Watching Mason going upstairs and getting ready she moved swiftly to call a realtor to find him a new temporary home. It would be somewhere close to her and Elliot because if he needed her she had to be there. She had to be there for her brother because in fact they were all they had. Tony Delacroix greatest legacies that needed to be protected. “But I can tell her not to come here.” 

The door flung open and Gloria sashayed into the room with a true sadness. Looking back at Ophelia and Jamal she moved fast to hug Selina. She had to let that woman who replaced her know that she wasn’t her children’s mother. Moving swiftly through the house she saw her son emerge from upstairs. He looked like Anthony and his eyes were filled with so much sorrow. She abandoned her children. It was a choice but right now her choice was clear. They needed her. They needed to connect to their bloodlines. “Mason.” She said walking up the stairs to her baby boy. “I know we have a lot to handle between us but I just wanted to be here holding your hand. Holding you down. Now I know momma ain’t been here but she here now and I’m trying to just support you. Your sister texted me and said she wasn’t sure you wanted me here. I will lessen myself, put myself on the back burner for you boy. You are my sweet little boy who I used to sing Stevie Wonder to when it was your bedtime. Baby boy you are my heart. All my children are. So if I gotta just be silent the entire day. Mason I’m silent baby but I gotta be here for you.” 

She saw Ophelia warm smile and even Jamal looked happy that she was putting herself to the side. “Can I stay with you? Can I please stay with you my son.” She said begging for just a moment. Just a time with him to show him she wasn’t a monster, she wasn’t the villain of the story but she was just as complex as Jackie, Lowell, and Tony. Gloria wrapped her shawl around herself knowing that she was begging. Something she hadn’t done ever in her life. But to get a moment to prove herself, to show Mason she wasn’t what he thought. “I can zip my lips honey. I can be on my best behavior for you. But don’t let apprehension stop you from getting comfort today.”

Mason looked at his sister knowing that she was right as much as he wanted to shut Gloria out he needed her today as weird as that sounded. It wasn’t like she had caused Zach’s death, no that was Ronan Madden and the life he brought to Atlas Falls. He was allowed to be angry at Gloria for what she had done abandoning him and Selina, how fucked up was that to begin with, just because he needed her today didn’t diminish any of that. Yes Ophelia had helped raise him but she wasn’t his mother at least biologically, he took the suit from his sister while he looked at his mother. “You can come but any and I do mean any outburst with Jackie or Lauren or Zach’s parent’s you’re gone. I need to get changed.” He said a crack in his voice as he looked at his mother again for understanding and once he saw it and it seemed like she had agreed he turned and went back into the bathroom to change.

He leaned against the door frame being careful to not crinkle the suit in his hand while he hung it on the valet hook in front of him, the tears instantly coming. It was so black and he looked at the black shirt and the tie to match, Zach would have instantly called it dapper and it made him instantly miss his husband and everything, while the tears silently slipped out. Undoing the zipper on the bag he looked at his reflection one last time. In a few hours it would all be over, he would awake from this nightmare and it would be over. Life would be back to normal and none of this would be real or actually happening.

**********

Kelsey had on a black dress with gold buttons on it. She thought Zach would think she looked ridiculous. It was a gift from her new sister-in-law. How could Brock marry that girl so soon after Zach’s death was beyond her. How she could afford a five thousand dollar dress was a question. Did Brock know she was spending this much money? Pulling on her cardigan, Kelsey had taken a leave of absence from her practice to mourn. She however felt useless at the moment. Just sitting around crying wouldn’t bring Zach back. Her mother and father had been calling the prison that Lucy was at, trying to get her a leave. Braden told her that it would be nearly impossible. Looking at his closed casket tears just began to fall down her face. Quickly wiping them away she began to rearrange the flower arrangements. Moving them to the left of the casket then placing his picture on the right side. Running her hands through her curls, she turned to see Willow in a suit looking so beautiful. Walking up she kissed her girlfriend. Then just held Willow in her arms tightly. She didn’t care that she was in a church at all. Ever since she came out and her aunt Lauren’s church judged her, she hadn’t had much for religion. She wasn’t ready for today. She could feel a piece of her soul was being buried today and she didn’t want to let go of Zach. Biting down on her lip she pulled back from the embrace. 

“I keep changing the obituary positions in the pews, and I don’t know if the flowers should go on the right or left. Which one looks best to you?” Kelsey said, stepping back as she saw the choir entering along with Jamal’s band Glory Road. Willow was good friends with their lead singer and she just began to get choked up again. “How am I supposed to say goodbye to my big brother? How am I supposed to do this today Willow? My entire family is so broken and disjointed. At least your cousin is trying. She sent this dress and said she only wore it once. She’s so rich that she doesn’t even know when she sounds absolutely crazy. Who gives away a five thousand dollar dress?” Sitting down she looked around. “Zach would have hated this. He was the party all the time. So funny, his humor was unmatched and so dark. Like he’s a policeman and he’s all gloom and doom. It’s quite the juxtaposition.” She laughed thinking about all the horribly naughty jokes her brother told her. “I keep thinking about Mason, he must be so heartbroken.”

Willow had been trying her best to be the supportive girlfriend to Kelsey as she wanted to support her through losing her brother. It was simply awful what had happened with Zach and how tragic it was when it came to everything that happened, she hadn’t ever really experienced death before so close. She had reached out to her father once he was in town and she had been by to see her new second cousin with Greer. It felt weird staring at the baby knowing it was Zach’s nephew while he was dead but also a bit helping too, she was just glad that her cousin was okay. When she had arrived at the church to help out and she saw Kelsey so distressed she immediately went into comfort mode. Helping arrange the music with Jamal honestly just felt like the right thing to do and they had been happy to do it for the Fraiser family. Looking at the picture and flowers it felt too real and she engulfed Kelsey in a hug wanting to support her.

“I know I keep saying this but I am so sorry Kelsey, nothing will ever bring your brother back. The least that I could have done is help Jamal book something that he knew Zach would have loved to help your family and his brother. I take it that funerals weren’t exactly Zach’s thing.” Willow said looking at her girlfriend she honestly didn’t know how useful she was actually being but when it was mentioned that Zach loved the band she said she knew the lead singer. A phone call was made and their manager had reached out to Jamal to fulfill the request. “Jamal says that Mason is a mess and I can’t blame him, to lose your spouse like that has to be awful.” Willow finished her voice trailing off when she heard the door open and stared at the girl that walked in trying to place her unsure who she was and the last thing Kelsey’s family needed was another crazy relative popping up like Dru. “Do you know her? If not, I can tell her to leave.”

Willow’s words comforted Kelsey at this moment. She didn’t know how losing her brother would affect her in the long run. She was pessimistic at best but now. God must have had some sick joke. He must have thought that this is somehow what her family deserved? Especially after Dru was unleashed on them all. How could someone like Dru be alive when her beloved older brother was gone. Her protector, the groundbreaker who paved the way for her to be an out and proud lesbian. When Kelsey turned around she gasped as she cupped her hands over her face. Almost collapsing into Willow she stumbled back. Her body began to shake and her big hazel eyes burst with tears. Stepping back she couldn’t believe it. Looking at her baby sister her tears of sadness turned into tears of joy. A hearty laugh escaped her lips as she looked at Willow. “I know her.” She rushed to Lucy and gripped her tightly as she began to cry. “How did this happen? How are you here? Oh my God Luce.” 

Once she let her go from the longest hug ever. Only one she would see in prison was Zach. Lucy refused everyone else. She looked stunning for just getting out of prison. The motorcycle jacket and ripped jeans was a look but it was so Zach. Whipping her nose she shook her head. “Lucy, I want you to meet my girlfriend Willow. This is my baby sister Lucy Fraiser and she’s home. Oh my God mom and dad do they know? Does Brock? How I thought you had about seven more months on your sentence? I don’t care how it happened Lucy, you’re home! And you of course will stay with me. You can’t stay at Brock’s because Greer and the baby and nobody wants to stay with her. No offense baby, your cousin is horrible.” Kelsey babbled as she paused feeling her sister’s body stiffen against her, unsure if Lucy was ready to be that close to Zach’s casket. Seeing her eyes drifting off to Zach’s casket that was placed at the front of the church.

Willow had heard a lot about the illustrious Luy Fraiser mainly that she was the youngest of Kelsey’s siblings and was serving a sentence for embezzlement or something like that. She wasn’t sure of the details about the case but from what little she gathered not even Walter’s reach had or could get her out of the trouble she had landed herself into. Judging by the fact she had no ankle monitor or and she didn’t see anyone standing at the doorways she wondered if there had been an early release granted. Or maybe she had made parole at the parole board hearing that she knew Kelsey’s family had been talking about.

“Nice to finally meet you.” Willow managed to say looking at Lucy not sure if she should extend a hand or not given the circumstances. Besides her cousin had married Brock and while she adored the new cousin that Greer had she could tell tensions were still high. “I wish it could be under better circumstances.”

Lucy looked at her sister. The ride down this morning had been long but when that cell had opened not even twenty four hours prior she left. She didn’t ask questions about how the board had been swayed and the only thing the warden had said was that she was released for good behavior and time served, a few calls had been made. She knew that her aunt had written a letter, Zach had been working on something and said he thought Dani could help too. She had learned of the boat explosion behind bars and had taken the news of her brother’s death out on a cement wall. She had the bandage on her knuckles to prove it, she never got to say goodbye properly. Looking up at the church when she arrived she knew that she needed to check in with her parole officer but she figured it could at least wait till after the service. Hell she hadn’t even got a proper dress for the service and she almost laughed her brother would have hated that wearing a dress to his service. Everyone knew that she was the only other tomboy in the family besides Dani. Kelsey was always too prim and proper, and Vicky well she was the princess.

She wrapped her arms tightly around her sister before the tears started to stream down her face. This couldn’t actually be happening; her big brother couldn’t be inside that box, beside them but he was that was the reality of it. She didn’t know how long she stood there before she pulled back and wiped at her eyes. “Hey, Zach and Aunt Lauren wrote a letter and Dani made a call or maybe Jackson did. It was going to be a surprise, he had a dinner he was going to plan with Mason to tell everyone.” Lucy said and she looked over at Willow and nodded her head at her, she did wish the circumstances were better. “Likewise I just drove down this morning after processing. Mom and dad don’t know and I don’t know where I’m going to stay yet. Shit I can’t believe this is really what is happening.” Lucy said, trying to hold it in for her big sister feeling more tears threatening to stream down her face.

Kelsey just grabbed her sister and held her. Things were different between them. Lucy was always a free spirit and was many times seen as the wild child. She, after all, was caught up in embezzlement charges. If she talked she could have walked away with a slap on the wrist. Lucy however never had that instinct of self preservation. So for two years she’d been gone. Now apparently due to the Devonshire’s she was free. Ironic for so many years she heard how bad the Devonshire’s were but now the influence they had got her sister her freedom. She’d thank Jackson and Dani when she saw them. Touching her stringy blonde hair she couldn’t believe it. Zach always loved a good surprise party and bringing Lucy home would have been one for the ages. Kelsey didn’t know it but the tears began to fall. Almost like she wasn’t in control. Flopping down in the pew she pulled Lucy down with her and just held her. It was four of them. Brock, Zach, herself and Lucy. They were a unit and now it felt like a hole was in her heart. Losing a child, parent, and sibling was the most painful thing. Now she understood how you could be breathing and feel no air. Exhaling she touched Lucy’s face almost as if to see if she was real. 

“I can’t either. I never thought about a world with you three in it. I never thought we would lose our big brother.” She said her voice cracking. “He was my idol. He came out and he was so strong and forceful. He didn’t waver in the man he was. He wasn’t pretending to be someone else, he was just Zach. I miss him. I miss my brother.” She said looking at Willow who she could tell was overwhelmed with all the emotions. Wiping her tears away she stared at her leather Doc Martens boots. “I know one thing, Luce he was proud of you. When you went away he was hurt but God he bragged about you. How you were in school, how you fought to get on your feet. Sis, our brother loved you so much.” 

*********

It was oddly sunny today and Greer had wrapped BJ up in a Burberry blanket and they were strolling in as a good looking family. Brock didn’t even argue with her about the new suit she bought him. She told him she wanted him to look good. Her motto has always been even when you don’t feel good, you can look good. Tom Ford happened to look amazing on her husband’s perfectly wide shoulders. “I hope today goes smoothly because if that woman Dru shows up, I think Lauren, and a halfway cripple Dani might kill her. Darling I must say you look amazing.” She purred as she walked up the chairs of the church. That’s when she saw Dani on crutches with Jackson approaching them. She had been avoiding the other woman. She’d sent flowers and a thank-you card. She just remembered screaming out Chauncey’s name and saying it was his baby. However Dani’s silence showed her one thing she couldn’t remember. Which was perfect. Fluffing her hair she approached Dani and opened her arms to hug her. “You look beautiful and is that Balmain? Oh Dani, your style is stepping up and I love it.” A backhanded compliment. 

Dani didn’t think she needed the crutches for today but when David and Jackson had insisted she realized it wasn’t worth fighting about. Right now she felt like an invalid most of the time having everyone wait on her when she was the one alive, it was still surreal that Zach was gone. Once she was home and well enough she Googled the accident trying to jog her memory but judging by the wreckage it was severe and pretty bad. The reports that they had to do CPR to save her even now sent a chill through her. Jackie had taken care of hiring a replacement nanny that would start in a few weeks after she went back to DGI once David gave her the green light. She and Jackson were trying or at least she thought they were after what he had told her and then confirmed with her mother the only thing she wanted was Dru to pay for what she had done. They hadn’t discussed where to find a therapist or someone to help them yet but after today they would. They had both been so focused on today and what happened with Max. When Greer and her cousin approached them she looked over at Jackson before looking back at them.

“You look great. I think so? I didn’t look at the label this morning. Thanks for the flowers and card, I still don’t remember what happened before we crashed. Did you like the gift for the baby and I mean this I am glad you are okay.” Dani said looking at Greer she did want them to be maybe not best friends or anything but at least get along for everyone today. She saw that Brock looked at her and she reached up hugging her cousin both sharing in the grief of today for a moment. “We weren’t quite sure what type of a wedding gift to get so we’ll do that at the later wedding. But we thought the rocker was a good idea and the Dior diaper bag seemed good too. The rocker worked well for the twins.” She finished hoping that the pleasantries were adequate and then she glanced down at Greer’s hand seeing her grandmother’s ring and looked at Brock of all the things to give Greer that infuriated her.

Brock had been dreading this day all week long; he was entirely sleep deprived when it came to being a new father, but it was worth every sleepless night to see his son. He was so grateful that he was there and honestly he and Greer were pretty happy or he’d like to think so since their last minute wedding. He had gotten a soft earful about the ring from his father, telling him he didn’t want it to start another family war, reminding him that the ring was always supposed to go to one of the girls. He had calmed things by assuring his father that he had asked his grandmother which was true and he didn’t think she didn’t remember she seemed lucid and together when he did. His parents were beside themselves with what happened to his brother and he was using time with BJ in order to quell even thinking about it if he was honest. Zach should be all accounts in his mind still be here, that was the bottom line and that was something that he would always firmly believe. He had taken some advice from the chaplain at the station to take some time off and would be making an appointment to talk to someone about everything as well, after the funeral of course. He saw Dani and Jackson approaching and he was glad that Dani was alright, they had never been super close growing up that belonged to Zach and her but he and his crew had fought to save her life and did so.

He had hugged her when she reached over and did the same honestly he was impressed at how calm she was around Greer, maybe that was the new leaf their family needed. He had to smirk when Greer had mentioned Dru she showed up today he was pretty sure his aunt would strangle her or his cousin would attempt too. He reached out to Jackson shaking his hand. “It’s good to see both of you and yeah thanks for the gift for BJ, the wedding was kinda last minute with everything going on. You don’t have to remember Dani, it was an accident, no one blames you for what happened.” Brock said and he hoped that was true if anything her swerving when she did spared Greer and BJ from complications. He looked down at his son in Greer’s arms and he saw Dani glance at the ring and was pretty sure if looks could kill he’d have one aimed at him. He placed his hand on Greer’s back for support as he looked at his cousin and then at Jackson. “I assume that you’re making sure she doesn’t overdo it to rush back to work? A collapsed lung takes a few weeks and the broken ribs too.”

Jackson had been dealing with a lot. Truthfully the ownership of DGI was murky at best. The care of Dani was extensive and he was constantly trying to sit her down. She would hobble to the twins and he’d be looking at her like the mad woman she was. He had nurses and of course he was waiting on her hand and foot. He did know one thing, Jackson would have to fix his marriage. They were still looking for a therapist but they hadn’t really talked about Dru or anything. It was still a point of tension between them both. He’d been in NA classes every day since he found out what Dru had done. It had been hard because he didn’t want to use but his body had a taste and it was still a temptation. All the stress of Simon suing Tess for a false takeover with the SEC all while his twins were starting to get into everything. Rumors were swirling that she was implementing new advisors and people to take his family’s spot. When he was done with Tess she’d be banished from Atlas Falls and her daughters, his sisters would be true Devonshire’s and she’d have nothing. Looking at Lauren, Jackie and Belle fussing with the twins he smirked. It was already happening. At the staircase of the church his stomach dropped. Zach was always team Jackson and Dani loving them both. He truly made him feel welcomed as Devonshire entered the Fraiser’s world. He told him to take his space in this family and he did. Staring at his wife he wondered who welcomed her like that? She now had a tight bond with Bliss and of course Talia and Simon. But who welcomed Dani like that? 

“Dani won’t be returning to work until a doctor clears her. Considering her husband is CEO of a billion dollar company I think she has all the time to recover she wants.” He sucked his teeth a little as he looked at Brock’s suit. Greer’s influence no doubt, he couldn’t afford a suit like that. Looking at BJ he was startled how he was starting to favor Chauncey, Rory, or even himself. His cherub face had certain features that just chilled him. It was the chin. Maybe he was tripping but when Donovan was that age he had that same little chin. Walking in the church he felt Dani grip him tighter. Her eyes were in pain and she still was confused on how this all happened. He looked over at Brock and Greer who had a similarly grim expression on their faces. It was going to be a hard day. When Greer LeClerq Fraiser was sad about something, well it meant this was a true tragedy. Looking at his wife he felt himself and all the stirring inside of him. From Dani almost leaving him, Dru admitting to drugging him, and now knowing Tess and maybe others were playing dirty to destroy the Devonshire’s. He felt her leaning on him and that felt good. It was familiar but he knew they had a lot of work to do.

Greer’s heart ached as she looked at the pictures of Zach all around the church. Guilt also trickled into her mind. Here she was with Brock Zachary Frasier who wasn’t biologically connected to the Fraiser’s at all. It was cruel and for a moment fear and paranoia twisted her mind. Dani in her eyes was staring at her child too hard. Covering him with the blanket she stared at the pews. Was that Lucy Fraiser? The embezzlement queen? The youngest Fraiser sibling who happened to be jailed at one point. As they walked down the aisle of the church she leaned over to Dani. “Tell me isn’t that your cousin?” 

Jackson looked over at Kelsey, Willow and Lucy. She was shorter than he remembered. Only a few years older than Rory but she got herself in a hell of a lot of trouble. He looked over at Brock and saw his eyes lighting up which made him feel so good. Zach came to him about a month ago and asked for this favor. He made it happen but Jackson had no clue they’d be burying Zach. Anything Zach asked for he could have gotten from him. Dani and Zach had this relationship that nobody else did. Maybe it was because they were only a few weeks away from each other when they were born. But they were more like siblings. Dani last night stayed up recounting story after story of Zach and her. “That’s my surprise for you all. Dani I know we discussed getting your cousin out but I made it happen. I thought she should be here for this. She should be here for you guys saying goodbye.” Jackson said seeing Brock was actually touched by his gesture.

Greer looked at Dani who was also almost in tears. “I’m so sorry Dani.” She said looking at the other woman touching her back. “Come on, let’s go introduce the twins and BJ to Lucy.” Exhaling she hoped Lucy wouldn’t clock the nordic features that BJ had and those dark eyes that all the Fraiser had wouldn’t be ignored. She felt Brock arms around her and the fear melted because he loved BJ and that’s what mattered.

Brock was glad to see that for now the claws were in when it came to his cousin and Greer, not that he expected less from his cousin if she was upset at the ring she’d say so later and not at Zach’s funeral. He nodded at Jackson when they walked inside, at least he was taking the right steps he felt awful about what Dru had done to them. He stopped in his tracks when he had seen that Lucy was inside with Kelsey and went to hug his sister, he didn’t care about the hows or the whys she was there now and apparently thanks to Jackson making a few calls. He then wrapped his arms around Greer while she covered a sleeping BJ in the stroller. “Thank you.” He said looking at Jackson and then at his cousin before moving he and Greer over to Kelsey and Lucy.

Dani didn’t know what she had been expecting when she walked inside the church but seeing Zach’s picture everywhere was overwhelming to say the least, it was final. She then saw that Lucy was sitting with Kelsey and she cast her eyes at Jackson. They had discussed it, it was the one thing Zach asked for as a favor after the phone spyware that he had found. She didn’t know how or who Jackson had called but she loved the man next to her and the lengths he always went too for her and their family. How had everything gotten so bad for them with Dru living with them? She reached out leaning on him to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.” She said softly while she watched Greer and Brock walk off casting a last glance at the baby in the stroller.

Something not sitting quite right with her. Maybe it was paranoia but BJ looked a hell of a lot like Jackson or Chauncey did as a baby. Donovan definitely looked more like Jackson’s side of the family while Jolene had gotten some of the Fraiser traits. She kept searching for something Fraiser about BJ before Greer had covered him. Maybe it was just stress and the recovery of the accident and she gripped Jackson’s arm as they made their way to the benches where her cousins were. “Does BJ look like part Fraiser to you? I swear he looks like you and Chauncey did when your mom showed me those pictures.” She whispered her mind wandering again.

“He looks like a baby Dani.” Jackson whispered back. “Look, your cousin is free from prison.” He caught a glance of the baby earlier and his stomach dropped because he looked like Rory. Not Chauncey but the baby did this thing that Donovan and Rory used to do when they were babies. Looking over at Greer he wondered if Chauncey and Greer had still been connected. 

**********

Miranda had been sitting in the car with KC for about twenty minutes until KC told her he was giving her space and took Quinn inside while she sat in the passenger seat, it wasn’t real that was what she had been telling herself for the last two weeks. Telling herself enough that she put in for leave from work and didn’t know if she would ever return or not, she needed to speak to someone. She knew that but then it would be all too final that Zach was gone, and she didn’t want that to be true for her or the police department. She didn’t want that to be true for Mason and their future that they had planned. She didn’t want it to be true for Zach’s family, whom she had been raised around. His parents didn’t deserve to bury their son, his siblings didn’t deserve to bury their brother. She looked down at her dress blues and wondered how she and the rest of the department would be able to make it through the service and the salute for a fallen comrade. KC had taken Quinn for a walk; she wasn’t sure how her daughter would be seeing Zach’s casket and she needed the fresh air.

She was on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation into the bombing, the FBI had taken over and while she was grateful to not work she could still hear that bomb going off in her sleep. If she was sleeping at all KC had informed her that she wasn’t and she rubbed the back of her neck knowing that she needed to talk to the department shrink in a few days. Maybe she needed more time off which she was certain that the captain would allow, she was still looking over her shoulder every so often as well knowing that Ronan was smart eventually he would catch into the fact she was the one inside the club that turned Yasmine and the one inside the boat. She closed her eyes for a moment to try and shake all the memories and the thoughts before she heard footsteps beside her and she glanced over looking at her brother.

“Today sucks.” Miranda finally said after a few moments of silence she didn’t even know what to actually say. None of this should be happening. She and Zach would go on shift and then come back from shift to get a beer. “Maybe it should have been me in that casket. I keep wanting to pinch myself and tell myself that none of this is real. Ronan Madden should be inside that coffin or that bitch he’s attached to Jon, not Zach.” Miranda said the tears finally came down her face as she looked at her brother.

Jon wasn’t one to tell Miranda how to feel especially after the year they’d had. They barely spoke and it was so bad his father had to sit him down. He was ashamed of how he acted after the Skye and Miles reveal. However he still to this day felt betrayed by everyone who he loved. Miranda and Dani knew and that was something he had forgiven but hadn’t forgotten. Today wasn’t about his grief or pain losing Zach. It was about his sister. KC had been giving him updates daily hell sometimes hourly. Miranda wasn’t sleeping, she wasn’t eating, and she wasn’t herself. The fear of the explosion seemed to paralyze her usually keen senses. She wasn’t sharp right now in fact she seemed so lost. She told him that he was sure Ronan had marked her and knew she was a cop. Which meant his niece, his brother-in-law, and his sister were currently in danger. “Hey, I’m so hurt about what happened to my brother in arms Zach. But I’m sorry if it was my sister or Zach I’m always going for you.” He touched her hand. “God kept you for a reason and we know it’s not our place to question but we can figure out why we survived. Miranda you have a daughter, you have an amazing life and husband. Randa Panda I personally believe Zach would kill you hearing how you are talking.” Knowing she’d laugh or at least lighten the mood from her childhood nickname. 

He wasn’t joking about his opinion. Zach died but that didn’t mean Miranda had to. Her survivor guilt was ripping her apart. He knew at the hospital she nearly broke. He heard what she did to Mason unintentionally. She was just as much in shock as anyone else. In fact people didn’t get that being partners in law enforcement was much like a marriage. She was mourning her life partner, the man she spent more time with than her husband and family. “Miranda you didn’t die because it wasn’t your time. He died because it was. I don’t know how God picks but he chooses you to stay and I refuse to have you not see that as anything but a blessing. I got my sister and I know you’re hurting but I just got you back and I nearly lost you. I just got my sister to see I’m not an asshole but I was hurting. Okay maybe I’m a little bit of an asshole. But Miranda you have Quinn, and KC and Miles and me and mom and dad. What happened hurts but I can’t lose my little sister. I can’t lose you.” 

Miranda knew that what Jon was saying was the hard truth but it was how she felt like she was suffocating in guilt, what if she had seen someone setting that bomb up a few minutes earlier. What if she hadn’t been made by Ronan the day before, what if she had never taken this damn job or assignment to begin with. In truth she originally became a cop and finished her training because KC had been ripped from her and Quinn, that was her motivation but he was alive, was this what she really wanted? She honestly didn’t know which way was up or down anymore the last two weeks, Zach was her partner they had a relationship that was set apart from everything else. He had her back and she had his, they watched out for each other and relied on each other and she couldn’t help but feel like she had let him down in the worst way with his life. She knew the risks they both did, just like her brother did and KC but was it worth it?

She shot him a playful look at her nickname, something that had been around since she was a preteen. She was pretty sure it was because of an incident involving too much makeup around her eyes. God she knew got to choose but why couldn’t he choose Ronan or Gia Falcone, why did it have to be someone like Zach? “None of this is remotely fair Jon, Zach should still be here. It’s cruel that he’s not and I know I’m lucky and KC is lucky, but what about Mason? Zach pulled me up when we all thought KC was dead for years, I got a miracle in KC back. Mason doesn’t get that, he deserves that. He’ll, I don’t even know if I want to be a cop anymore if I’m honest.” Miranda said her voice was wavering and shaky. Emotions spilling out of her nothing made sense to her right now and despite the differences between her and her brother she still needed her big brother. “You were kinda an asshole but you were also right I was wrong, we were all wrong.”

Jon didn’t want to rehash that he just wrapped his arm around his sister and saw she needed it. “You’re one of the best cops I know. You’re going to figure this all out Miranda and Zach’s going to be proud of you.” Gripping her shoulders he hugged her as tightly as he could. He spotted KC and Quinn waiting on them at the bottom of St. Paul’s stairs. When they approached them Quinn leapt into her mother’s arms and wiped her tears. He couldn’t hear what Quinn said but he was sure it was profound. His niece was a genius. Jon placed his arm around KC and together they walked in the church as Miranda carried her daughter.

Miranda didn’t know what came over her other than she didn’t realize how much she needed him to hug her and tell her that everything was going to be okay until he did it. Zach had always looked out for her when they were partners. That was what a good partner did. They had your back. He never told her that she wasn’t good enough or that she couldn’t do the job, most at the department treated her with kid gloves because of her father and older brother, living in their shadow. She’d venture to even call it sexist but she knew that the people that looked out for her meant well. No matter the assignment Zach had always had her back and let her lead when needed, she knew he was proud to call her partner. By the time that they turned to head into the church she felt Quinn run up to her and hug her and she gripped her daughter tightly.

This is what mattered and she knew that having Quinn in her arms and KC alive she was allowed to be thankful for that, Zach had told her that so many times since KC came back. Though she felt awful for Mason not getting that second chance with Zach, she knew that some things were out of their control. In this case it meant that Zach’s death had been out of everyone’s control. When Quinn wiped her tears and leaned down to her ear to whisper into it she almost lost it again, the innocence in her daughter’s statement was so profound and poignant. He’s with God mama. So many mixed emotions went through her at the notion how did her little girl understand what none of them could comprehend, it was a relief. She felt KC touch her back as they entered the church greeting Devin, Merci and Rebecca as they entered to take their seats.

**********

Braden put the car into park just like he had so many times before to attend church though he hadn’t in a while, that was more his grandmother than the rest of the family. He’d never been married in a church though he, Dani and Vicki had all been baptized in the church. Hell all of his cousins had been too, even Zach and he swallowed hard. His cousin was gone and guilt was eating away at him, he resigned from the position as DA and allowed Ronan Madden along with Gia Falcone to run around Atlas Falls. Worse, he had a family to support and had agreed to be Ronan’s civil lawyer for his legal businesses and endeavors putting his entire family in harm’s way. A contact on the inside had let him know that Elliot had inquired about becoming the new DA, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that long term he didn’t have a choice. He was lucky that his dad had pulled strings to be able to make sure he kept his license with Charles, though he wouldn’t trade that for anything. Looking over at Tamara who sat quietly, his son staring out the window and his daughter in her car seat.

He gripped the wheel at his knuckles turning white while they sat in silence as he watched as people began to filter inside. Mason had entered with his aunt and his uncle, his sister was going in with Jackson and he assumed that his parents were already inside along with the rest of his cousins. None of them should actually be doing this today, that wasn’t what was supposed to be happening. “The service is about to start. Come on.” Braden said his hand going to the handle on the door while he looked at his wife’s face, the sadness etched on it and then he glanced in the back again to see Dylan holding back the same tears, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it, he couldn’t.

Dylan had been dreading today so much had happened in the last two weeks, from the night of the casino opening where he witnessed his aunt and uncle fighting while he watched the twins. The news of the blast where his grandparents were on the boat, thank God his parents had been running late and his little sister was fussy. He looked over at Delilah sound asleep in her car seat and wondered if she even knew that their cousin more like Uncle Zach was dead. As much as he knew his parents had tried to shelter him from what happened he knew how to use Google. He also wasn’t a kid anymore and had gotten his drivers license and would be starting his senior year coming up.

“Do we have too? I don’t want to say goodbye to Zach and pretend like everything is okay. He’s dead because the man you took a job with got him killed. Nothing is normal right now, Zach should still be here to be at my games this year and to do stupid shit with me. Not to mention Aunt Dani almost died because of what Dru did, you both think I don’t know about any of it like I’m some kid.” Dylan asked, looking at his dad’s face in the mirror followed by his mother’s alarmed look. He honestly didn’t know what type of stupid shit Zach would have done but he likely would have talked to him about girls, helped him with lacrosse and he always knew he could count on him when life got too crazy. “Unlike Delilah I know how to use Google.”

Tamara gasped she’d always encouraged Dylan to speak his mind. In fact she let him curse all the time but for the most part she’d never heard him talk like that in front of Braden. Coming from an Italian family it was their love language. He was vexed about the entire situation with Zach. He was like a cool big brother and she’d always admired their relationship. Now that had been taken from him and Dylan somehow was blaming Braden? “Whoa, whoa, whoa. First off young man nobody said you didn’t know how to use Google. Secondly Delilah right there watch your mouth. Look, your father took a job and nobody thought it would lead to any of this. How was he to know that Dylan? You’re grieving and you have every right to be pissed. Hell we all are because we know that Zach should be with Mason right now. That he should be doing stupid shit with you. He should be here.” Tamara’s voice cracked as she looked at Braden’s bloodshot eyes and broken spirit. Her husband’s heart must be broken, Dylan feeling him to somehow be to blame. 

She looked at them all and knew her family needed a change of energy. “Braden, and my handsome son. I have something to tell you both. So yesterday I wanted the strangest food. I only eat these spicy chips when I’m pregnant. I did with you Dylan and Delilah and I guess with this baby as well. I’m three months and I didn’t even know it because of everything that’s going on. I found out yesterday at my doctor’s appointment. God took Zach, Dylan but he is giving us so much. I am certain that there is a purpose behind this. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what we are to learn son but today we have to say goodbye and we have to send an angel away with love.” Tamara looked at her husband who was shocked at her announcement and her son who actually smiled for the first time in two weeks. 

Dylan almost huffed and then rolled his eyes at his mother. It wasn’t like he blamed his dad but it was Ronan’s fault that Zach was dead. Besides it wasn’t like Delilah could even talk yet most of what she did try to say was gibberish and trying to pull his hair out. He folded his arms almost in defiance at his mom scolding him and then glanced over at his dad, and felt bad he didn’t blame him. “Sorry.” He managed to mumble he was just upset at Zach’s death about how none of this was fair and he knew that his dad would never have wanted any harm to come to Zach. 

When his mom announced she was pregnant again he couldn’t help but grin, honestly having a little sister in Delilah hadn’t been that bad. Besides he was glad that his mom was happy, his dad was happy and that they were a family again. “Cool, hopefully it’s a bro this time.” He finished waiting for his dad to say something as he let out a sigh knowing he had to relent and go inside for the funeral.

Braden had to whip his head around and just stare at his son when he mentioned Ronan and him working for him, he knew that his son was angry and saying things in grief. It didn’t make it sting any less he already felt enough guilt two weeks ago at the hospital while he stared at Ronan’s son on the other side of the glass while his cousin was dying or had died on a fucking boat. He had taken the job with Ronan because he needed one and it paid well enough, he hadn’t been connected to anything illegal he made sure of that. He knew Ronan was a criminal but he honestly never expected the casino to blow up or his cousin to get caught in the crossfire had he known he would have given Zach a heads up even at risk to his own life. Zach was like the pesky younger brother he never got; he only had sisters, well now only one.

“I never would have let Zach get caught in the casino like that son, if I knew I didn’t, no one did. Your aunt is okay.” Braden said softly he then did a double take as he looked over at Tamara and her announcement, his eyes going wide. In shock of course they hadn’t really discussed more kids. Delilah had been a good surprise in the darkest of times. He leaned over touching her face before pulling her into a kiss, relishing the feeling of her mouth on his of the joy he felt in that moment that they were going to have another baby. He pulled back gently seeing his son staring at them both like they’d grown two heads, his daughter still asleep in the car seat. “I’m sorry I should have realized when that craving popped up. But with everything Zach and Dani, not to mention Dru I’ve been a bit lost. Baby, this is great news.” Braden said the shock of it all setting in and he did believe that it was great news, especially given everything else going on with his family.

Tamara understood Dylan grief and speaking outside of himself. She could tell he didn’t mean it the way it came out and she saw that the ice was thawing. Snickering to herself wondering how she became the uncool mom. They were once best friends now all he did was workout and type on his phone. He was growing up so fast and she missed so much time with Dylan from her addiction. Unfastening her seatbelt she turned to look at him. “We are going to say goodbye now and if you can’t right now Dylan. I understand but I think Zach would haunt your ass forever if you didn’t show up to his funeral. Oh my God he’d haunt you.” She laughed seeing them all smile. Her husband’s happiness and shock was welcome. “As for you, well we just got an additional nineteen years to our child sentence. Are you ready for the moody teenage years with one more? We already have this brat.” Tamara opened the door and saw Braden rushing to open the door. She was pregnant, not handicapped. Still she couldn’t help but smile. Zach always brought levity to any situation and humor. She wouldn’t let today go without smiling through the tears. 

Immediately Dylan took Delilah out of the carseat. Tamara got choked up seeing her son and husband standing with her together. Like Zach, those Fraiser good looks were in fine form today. Both of them in matching navy blue suits but Dylan insisted on wearing Converse shoes like Zach. Tamara began to walk to St. Paul’s and she honestly knew in eight years this is where she’d have her vow renewal to Braden. She’d always wanted a church wedding and this would be perfect. Right now she felt infinitely grateful to have her family together. To be one of the many rocks and pillars to hold the Fraiser family up. As they walked in and took their seats she saw Lucy and gasped. The service was about to begin but later they’d talk nudging Braden and she sat down by Dani and Jackson. 

**********

Walter looked worse for wear as he exited the town car looking at St. Paul’s before him, two of the most trying weeks of his life had passed. He and Brenda still had not spoken since the hospital he had meant what he said drink or not she had crashed into Dani. He had seen Dani after she had awoken under Jackson’s watchful eye and explained that he was there for her, which he was but he felt compelled to find Dru as well. Though he didn’t dare say it outloud to anyone in the family. She was still his daughter, even after all she had done she had been ripped away from him by Lowell and Brenda, hell maybe even Lauren too if he was honest. Instead he had someone at the office looking into finding her since she had seemed to disappear from the hospital and rumor was his son in law was going to pursue charges for what she had done to him. He didn’t blame Jackson but he didn’t think lashing out at Dru was the best either, she was still his daughter. The last funeral they had as a family was for his father and before that Vicki. He looked over at his brother and sister in law as they got out of the car, nothing would bring his nephew back or comfort them. He knew that feeling all too well of losing and burying a child something he wished on no one. His older brother Brandon got out of the car and he waited a moment until Helen got out and he walked with them up the steps.

“Kelsey has been busy setting everything up and Father Krejca says we can take all the time we need today. I believe that Jon, Devin and Miranda are arriving later. Selina is with Mason and his family. I’m sure they are inside or on their way.” Walter said he had found that small talk seemed to distract from the reality that was going on when they had decided to bury Victoria. For them there had been nobody to see or mourn just an empty casket but the closure it brought was something he remembered to this day. He had avoided the press most of the week and let the FBI handle answers about the explosion, polls were showing that his term as mayor would likely only be one at best. “I know this has to be hard but the entire family is here to support you both and Mason.” Walter finished looking at his brother who had gripped the door to the church while Helen looked so grief stricken to the sight of the wooden doors.

Helen had been in a daze most of the week as family and friends had come to show their respects and she and Brandon had done their best to reach out to Mason; she knew he was hurting too. She has simply let Mason, her husband and eldest son plan the funeral, her middle child was gone, taken from her too soon and violently doing what he loved. Her only solace had been her new grandson BJ having him around was conforming and she knew that Zach would want that and her heart ached that he would never meet Kieran if he ever returned home, he would never know his father in return. She was so angry that her son was gone at the hands of someone like Ronan Madden and she looked at her brother in law. Walter was always Walter but he had run on getting rid of Ronan’s hold and now it was time to hold him to that given that her son was taken. She glanced around the parking lot hoping that the other little shrew didn’t show her face that awful fucking girl Dru Price had no place here ever. She held onto her husband’s arm as he led her into the church. She let out a gasp at all the overwhelming amount of flowers and placed a hand over her trembling lips. She then saw the casket and felt her husband holding her up and it all flooded back to her the painful memories that were attached to her son inside that box.

“Brandon, our boy.” She said her voice barely above a whisper as she felt her husband and Walter holding her and leading her to the front of the church. She embraced Kelsey and then looked over and nearly fell over in shock. “How?” She managed to ask giving her youngest daughter a hug.

Lucy hugged her mother back glancing as her father joined them for a minute. “Early release.”

Brandon was thrilled when he saw his youngest daughter hugging her tightly while he looked over at his brother and then at his wife. Zach was up in front of the church inside the coffin that Mason had picked out and like Helen he was struggling though he had to keep the front up. Not to show weakness, his children needed him to be the leader of the family that he was. It wasn’t easy as he felt Walter’s hand on his shoulder and he nodded solemnly to his brother in acknowledgement. He saw Brock reach out and take Helen’s other hand as they made their way inside the church and the front row. He glanced around for a moment before he heard the doors open and he saw Mason enter with the rest of his family. He waited a few moments for Mason to approach them before he reached out and placed a hand on his son in law’s shoulder.

“We will get through this as a family. Zach would want that.” Brandon managed to say as he looked at Mason who he thought looked stoic, almost like none of it was real. He understood that none of them wished to be here but life and even God himself had a different view. “Come sit with me and Helen.”

Gloria had contacted Pastor Isaiah Jenkins who had officiated her wedding. She explained the situation to the Pastor and he insisted on officiating the funeral as well. It was then that Father Krejca and Pastor Jenkins came together for the service. Gloria wasn’t trying to insert herself but Zach’s husband would have a say so as well today. As she looked at Selina who looked like a little girl today for some reason. Last time she was in church with her entire family was when Mason was baptized. Touching her pendant around her neck she said a soft prayer. Something she didn’t do often. She just needed help because her baby boy was going through it. She was at the wedding and saw the love between them. Now she was old school, what happened in your bedroom wasn’t the world business. When she heard Mason came out she was proud. Nobody got to tell her free black babies they couldn’t do something. If he wanted to be a woman she couldn’t be prouder of him. That was the truth. Mason was doing it his way and that was enough for her. Seeing him begin the waver as they pulled up to St. Paul’s. She laughed to herself last time she was here Lowell and Jackie were getting married or Chauncey was being baptized. 

The limo stopped and it seemed all the pleasant moments had passed. Her boy had to face his new normal. His new future without Zach in his life. “Mason baby. We’re here.” She said looking at Ophelia pie faced ass touching her son’s knee. Rolling her eyes at her all she could think was Jamal was right there. Comfort her child with Tony. As they all started to pile out of the limo, she felt a hand reach out to her. It was her babies. Selina and Mason both held her hand as she walked with them up the stairs of the church. For the first time she didn’t feel like her children hated her. For the first time since she came back Gloria felt like their mother. “I’m right here come on my babies.”

When Selina saw Mason grab his mother’s hand almost as if he needed her support. No, he needed their mom. For the first time since her mother’s return she saw her use. Tony wasn’t here and although they had a million questions. Having that comfort that only a parent could give you. Elliot was standing there waiting like the knight in shining armor he was. She let go of her mothers hand and ran up the stairs and just held her man as tight as she could. She just squeezed until he felt how hurt she was. How devastating this truly was because her sweet brother had lost the love of his life. In a moment everything he was building was snatched away. The man he loved was about to be buried and only memories would remain. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I don’t know how to help him.” She whispered looking back at Mason still stuck in that same position. 

“Mason, come on baby boy. You can do this.” Gloria whispered to her son. It was only them standing at the bottom of the staircase of the church. “It’s time to say goodbye baby. It’s time to let Zach go.”

Mason stared up at the doors to the church, a wreath with white roses placed outside with Zach’s picture in his dress blues. He felt his chest tighten almost like he was going to go into a panic at it all, where was Zach why wasn’t he here instead of inside of that building in front of him. His legs felt heavy and frozen as he stared seeing his sister leaning on Elliot and he felt Jamal by his side and then his mother encouraging him to walk up the steps and let go. Let go, the words echoed in his head he didn’t want to let go of Zach and their life, he didn’t want to let go of the love they shared or the plans that they had. He was broken out of his daze as he saw Pastor Jenkins and Father Kreja make their way outside to help him and his eyes landed on Brandon and Helen who both looked so broken themselves. He hesitated until he felt Helen step forward and hug him tightly before nudging him to the door.

He felt unsteady as he walked up the steps flanked by his mother and Zach’s on the other side, it was surreal seeing how he didn’t even know that his own mother was alive till two weeks ago. What would Zach have said when his mother had sauntered back into his life while trying a hostile take over with Pierre LeClerq at DGI would he have been wary or welcoming? He did have to say it felt right though for him to be walking with his family and Zach’s. Once inside the church looked immaculate and oddly enough a sense of peace. He knew Zach had struggled with his faith and had officially left the Catholic church ages ago, but he still remembered him keeping the good parts, the parts that Zach liked to think were the important ones. His eyes met Lauren’s near the front and he gently hugged her and then saw Jackie where he did the same.

It felt like he was in a surreal movie scene walking towards his own mortality in a way he froze staring at the picture collage in front of him moments of Zach’s life. High school, elementary, sports, academy and their wedding. He felt the sting of fresh tears behind his eyes seeing the people Zach cared about most all around him, he didn’t have the words. Even if he had them he wasn’t sure he would be able to use them as he walked up to the front sitting down by Helen and Brandon, along with Zach’s siblings on one side. His mother, Selina, Elliot and Jamal on the other. The rest of the Fraisers behind them while more and more people filtered in to pay their respects and say their final goodbyes. He would not say goodbye because it wasn’t a goodbye for him, this was a living nightmare one he would wake up from soon.

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